Base of Badfics: Prayer Warriors: the Evil Gods PartOne Commentary
by madders10
Summary: Welcome to the Base of Badfics! Got your barf bags? Good, because we're going to be commenting on the Prayer Warriors: the Evil Gods Part One!
1. Chapter 1

Hello, readers! I'm MaD-squared! _***smiles***_ Welcome to the Base Aiming to Destroy All Sucky Stories. The base, for short.

And these lovely people are my faithful subordinates! _***points at each in turn***_ Double-D, Oriant, Jaws, Weasly, Hide'n'seek, Fluffles, T-Bone, PITA, Coco, and Zubb.

_***Subordinates salute***_ Ma'am!

_***waves dismissively***_ Now scram, I gotta smack a badfic. Which is, of course, The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part One.

_***sighs***_ Joy.

Well, lets jump in full throttle, shall we?

**Believer in Christ: Hello Jesus!**

_***rubs temples***_ Oh, God, it's one of those... FLUFFLES!

_***Fluffles runs in, then salutes***_ Yes, ma'am?

Bring me my war hammer. It's one of _those_ fics.

_***Fluffles***_ Right away, ma'am.

**Jesus: Hello my son.**

**Believer in Christ: Am I saved by writing this story.**

Nope. Actually, I'm pretty sure that writing this has earned you a one-way ticket straight to hell. Congrats.

**Jesus: Yes my son.**

BULLSHIT. _*__**THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, THUNK***_

Bad! Bad Author!

**Believer in Christ: Good. Now should I go hunt down those Satanists.**

Um, no...? Because that is the exact opposite of what the bible actually wants you to do...?

**Jesus: Yes my son.**

Or not.

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Bible, God does. I will not feel sorry for using Percy Jackson as it is evil and should not have a disclaimer.**

Well, sweetheart, when Rick Riordan's lawyers come knocking on your door, I'll be laughing.

**Being Together The Army**

**Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18**

Bible reference necessity on the scale, Jaws?

_***Jaws checks necessity scale***_ Negative five and dropping, ma'am!

_*whistles*_

**I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior.**

I am MaD-squared and I am a very annoyed general employed in B.A.D.A.S.S.

Nice to meet you.

I** am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore.**

How is Percy Satanic!? And how the hell is Annabelle a whore!? It's been a while since I've read the book, but wasn't she considering joining Atermis's Huntresses at one point?

**She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money.**

Satanic money?

_***raises eyebrow***_ This "Satanic money" buys your food, sweetie. And almost every other thing you use on a daily basis. Besides air.

**That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, so that we can defeat the servents of Satan, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods, who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison peoples mind.**

The greek gods were thought up before Christianity, dumbass.

*_**THUNK* **_DO YOUR RESEARCH!

**Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. - Deuteronomy 12:30**

**"Hello my fellow Christian" I told Mary, who is named after Jesuss Mother.**

Who the fuck greets ANYONE like that!? COCO, PITA!

_***Coco and PITA come running, somewhat scared***_ Y-yes, ma'am...?

Get me my bazooka! And the nuke!

_***Coco and PITA salute, then run off***_

Also, I think the readers can make the connection of Mary = Jesuss mother. Although, I'm not sure who Jesuss is... Snake-Jesus?

**I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating, but we are not having Sex until we get married. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing.**

DOUBLE-D!

_***frightened Double-D runs in and nervously salutes***_ Yes, ma'am?

TAKE A LIST!

1) It's not I and her. It's WE.

2) Technically, you can get married in Georgia at age 16 if you're pregnant.

3) I WAS NOT THINKING THAT! YOU BROUGHT THAT UP! YOU!

**"Yes Jerry, how are you. Have you been doing the lords biddings?" she asked me.**

_***Coco and PITA run in, carrying bazooka and nuke***_ Here, ma'am!

Thanks. _***shoos them away, and loads bazooka***_ NOBODY FUCKING TALKS LIKE THAT YOU SHITHOLE! *_**KA-BOOM***_LEARN TO TALK.

**I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in.**

Yep. Totally great, you know, with global-warming, ozone depletion, and the like.

*****_**KA-BOOM***_

WRONG ANSWER.

**He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13**

**Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, who were sex gods, which is against the Ten commandments.**

...

_***Subordinants run and hide***_

WHAT IN THE LIVING FUCK IS THIS!? VENUS!? SHE ISN'T EVEN GREEK! AND SEX-GODS!? THE HELL IS THIS!? LIGHTNING AND BEAUTY! IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!? EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS OFF HAND, IT TAKES ABOUT 10 SECONDS TO LOOK UP IN GOOGLE! _***throws the nuke***_** ***_**BOOM**_*****

_***pants***_

_***Subordinants come out***_

Someone... Get me... A chocolate bar... And a fluffy kitten...

_***Subordinants stay quiet, not sure what to do***_

_NOW_!

_***Subordinants scramble to get said items***_

**"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her.**

That's not a question... WHERE THE HELL'S MY CHOCOLATE AND CUTENESS!?

_***Zubb runs in with kitten and Hershey's bar***_ Right here, ma'am!

About time... _***eats chocolate and pets kitten***_

**I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. This is America which is a Christian nation, so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation.**

...What...? The constitution literally states that there is NO FUCKING NATIONAL RELIGION.

Also, Muslims technically believe in the same God as Christians. Do your research! *_**THUNK***_

**We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, if they agree to being a fellow Christian.**

Oh. Yeah. That totally makes non-Christians want to convert. Ass.

**Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. "I want to bring Glory to God"**

Charming. _***eyeroll***_

**Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18**

**"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There are as clean as you can get them" she told me.**

If they are so clean and godly, they'd be more accepting. Get new friends, hunny, these ones are corrupting you.

**She had a her hair tied back so that it would not get in her and not look like a Satanic whore. She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it.**

...My hair is down. I also own a pair of shorts. I'm certain Coco is the same.

_***Coco nods***_

Shall we...?

_***Coco smiles***_ With pleasure.

_***Both females attack the monitor with the force of ten typhoons***_

I feel better now.

**And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson. He was there to force people in believing in false gods that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings.**

...When did this happen in the books...? Also, I don't really get why Satanism and nakedness always seem to be together. I mean... Good lord, can't somebody be clothed?

**Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus 18:19**

**But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20**

**So I went down stair to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise. He had big Satanic horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist.**

...Oriant...?

_***Oriant salutes***_ Ma'am?

Get me... the battle-ax.

*****_**Oriant**_***** Yes, ma'am. _***Oriant runs off***_

**"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and Satan, who are great gods. They are better then God and Jesus"**

_***swings ax around***_ RAAAAAAAAGH! GROVER IS AWESOME! HOW DARE YOU!?

**He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20**

**So to defeat this Satanic scum, me, Mary and one of her Christian friends that was there, her name was Ruth,**

Hide'n'seek, necessity level?

_***Hide'n'seek looks at necessity scale***_ Negative two, ma'am.

Wonderful.

**prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, to bring down this false prophet. And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens and ate Grover alive. No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. No even his bones remained.**

...Poor Grover... *_**sniffle**_* T-bone!

_***T-bone salutes***_ What is it, ma'am?

Schedule a funeral for Grover...

_***T-bone***_ Sure, ma'am. _***Runs off to plan funeral***_

**And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12**

**So we brought glory to God. We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God. Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. Then Marys friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors.**

Ooh, what's your inititation process? Ours is having to have to dress up as the most embarrasing thing that is decided by the current members of B.A.D.A.S.S., and steal a baby! *_**smiles innocently***_

**Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16**

**Believers in Christ: Thank you for read this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. May all that read this be save.**

Fuck that.

**Jesus: You done me well son.**

Since when is Jesus southern...?

**Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live and allow me to write this. Amen.**

I hope you break your fingers in a painful accident.

Well, from everyone here at the base, I hope you enjoyed!

MaD-squared, signing out.


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome back, readers! _***smiles and waves***_ MaD-squared and co. here, back again to destroy my sanity a little bit more with this bullshitty story!

_***subordinates wave or nod**_*****

So, as much as I hate to, let's smack a badfic!

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

**Believer in Christ: The Holy One has return.**

*****_**snort**_*** **You? _Holy? _If you're holy, humanity is fucked.

**Christ Himself: Yes you have. You have been blessed.**

OI, ORIANT!

_***Oriant runs in, then salutes* **_Ma'am?

Get me my battle mace.

_***Oriant salutes, then runs off***_

That guy needs to talk more...

Anywho...

NO! NO, BAD AUTHOR! YOU ARE _NOT _BLESSED! WRONG!

**Believer in Christ: And with this blessing I will rid the world demons.**

**Christ Himself: The unholy ones are thee, Theia47, SonnyGoten, ImagingThings and TheBratMan.**

Double-D, T-Bone, Fluffles!

_***Double-D, T-Bone, and Fluffes salute* **_Ma'am?

Find these people, and give them each twenty cookies!

*****_**Double-D, T-Bone, and Fluffes salute, then run off to fetch assorted cookies***_

**Believer in Christ: Thee have wage war on our lord Jesus Christ and must be ridden!**

No, those people have IQ's over five, sweetheart.

**Chirst Himself: And Alistairlevi13 for serving the dark lord Satan!**

Coco, get 'em a cookie.

_***Coco salutes, then runs off***_

**Believer in Christ: May all these wevil ones burn in hell! Amen.**

_***snickers* **_Weevil? A little bug deserves to burn in hell? Sure. Whatever you say, dearie.

**Christ Himself: Bless my son.**

**Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord! Amen and amen.**

I'd consult the necessity scale on the overuse of the word 'Amen' in this story, but I think it'll break with this level of not-necessity.

**Defeating the Whore!**

**A prayer (speak it out load to be save, you unholy ones. If you do not do so, then to the depth of hell you unsaved souls will go forever!): I believe in everyone that is spoken with this holy word, and will follow it so the full command, even ridding the world of those flithly atheist! Amen and amen!**

Nah, I'm good. But props for coming up with your own prayer. I'm sure your mother is very proud of you.

**And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire. -Leviticus 21:9**

**And we met to plan a attack on those evil beings.**

_***Oriant runs in with mace* **_Ma'am.

Thanks buddy. _***shoos away***_

_***THUNK* **_LEARN SOME GRAMMAR! IT'S 'AN', NOT 'A'!

**We discussed their weakness, and their desires to turn the good Christian world away from our glorious one and only great god of all nation, our lord Jesus Christ (fear all you athiest, jewish, muslim, buddhist and all others that defy this great God that will punish you and send you to hell, where you will burn for in all eternal history, where your body will torn apart, and spread across a endless, lifeless land, where you will be eaten by all foul breast. You will all be punish, all of you. God does not put up with such evil things with this God fearing nation. And that nation is not just America, but all of the world. This is Gods world! And you athiest must convert, pray for all your wrong doings, and believe that our lord Jesus Christ is the one and only true God! Amen).**

..._HEY, JAWS!_

_***Jaws runs in and salutes* **_What is it, ma'am?

_LIST! NOW!_

1) Again, Muslims (Notice the _capital letter_) technically worship the same damn God as YOU, dumbass!

2) 'For in all eternal history'? ...The hell?

3) I know several guys who would _love _to be eaten by a 'foul breast'.

Hide'n'seek, I'm looking at you.

4) Isn't God supposed to be very _merciful?_ IDIOT. *_**THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK***_

5) Since fucking _when is America the entire world!?_ GO BACK TO GRADE SCHOOL! *_**THUNK***_

6) For all atheists reading this, _real_ Christians aren't like this, believe me.

**So we decided that we will attack a rational study group, for they work foul thins which the lord Jesus Christ forbid.**

Yes. That's what God wants you to do. Totally.

*****_**THUNK**_*** **NO! NO! FUCK THAT!

**We brought hundred of our most faithful servents to come along to see such Godful work!**

I... I _literally just_...

Ugh. You know what? Screw it. Next part! And get me some coffee will you!?

_***Weasly runs to go get coffee***_

"**All hail Stan" they yelled. "We will serve the devil. We will corrupt the nation of God **

Again, _not a Christian Nation. _DUMBASS! *_**THUNK**_*** **And Stan? What, is that Satan's sub while he's out sick?

**to bring everyone too hell, where they will will burn for in all eternal history, **

Okay, will someone tell me why this guy _insists _on saying 'for in all eternal history'? It's okay grammar wise, I think... But it sounds WRONG! Come on, somebody tell me! _***looks around at all remaining subordinates**__**, who all stay still**_***** Nobody? Thought so.

**where their body will tourn apart, and spread across a endless, lifeless land, where they will be eaten by all foul breast. **

Already warned you once, Hide'n'seek. If I have to do it again, I'll demote you.

_***Hide'n'seek rolls his eyes* **_You got it, ma'am.

**We must KILL GOD! GOD IS DEAD!" **

...Come again?

**I was so dishearten by this comment that I want to rip the mans head of and fed it to the dog. **

Oh, now you're just being silly. Hell, even _I _don't threaten my Subordinates like that.

I threaten to beat them 'til they beg to be killed in the most brutal way I possibly can! _***innocent giggle* **_

_***subordinates groan, and Wealsy runs back in with a mug of coffee* **_Your coffee, ma'am?

Thanks, Weasly. Take the rest of the day off.

"**Behold the greatest servent of the lord" I yelled **

Is he or she standing behind you...? Because it sure as fuck isn't you. *_**THUNK**_*****

**to those foul things that call themselves people.**

_***snort* **_Ten bucks says they're better people than you.

"**I have come to kill you all in the glory of our lord Jesus Christ". **

Oh. That's Christian. _***raises eyebrow***_

"**On behalf of our Satanic god Zeus, **

That's an oxymoron.

**God of Whores,**

That's just wrong.

**we will slain you all. **

And that's bad grammar. Good to know we covered all the bases. _***sighs and takes a huge swig of coffee***_

This is extremely painful.

**And we will send to hell!" said Clarisse La Rue, **

Charming.

**the leader of such an evil gang. **

Or, you know, daughter of Ares... Canon? what's that?

_***THUNK* **_READ THE BOOK, DAMMIT!

**Mad as I could be, I ran towards her and sliced of her unholy, God-riding hair! **

_***raises eyebrow* **_God-riding...? What does that even- _***realization* **_OH DEAR

GOD ALMIGHTY! _ZUBB! BRING ME BRAIN BLEACH!_

_***Zubb runs out, then back in with cup of boiling bleach***_ Here you go, ma'am.

Thanks. _***downs glass of brain bleach* **_Much better.

**Her head rolled on the ground as the unbelievers scream. **

_***THUNK* **_GRAMMAR!

Come on, I knew it was 'nonbelievers' in second grade!

**As the began to run we cached up to them and killed them all. We left the bodies to rot in the group, for they did not deserved to be buried. We left people to guard the bodies, to stop any of the unbelievers into getting them. **

O...kay? That job must suck. Guarding corpses, I mean... And, yet again…

_***THUNK* **_NONBELIEVERS!

**The memory of the just is blessed: but the name of the wicked shall rot. -Proverbs 10:7**

**And we came across a temple that is a worship ground of the evil goddess Artemis, where she and her daughters kill holy lambs to the god of whores. And it made me sick! **

_***Subordinates run and hide***_

WRONG!

*_**THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK* **_DOES THE TERM _'ETERNAL MAIDEN' _MEAN _NOTHING _TO YOU!? AND DON'T THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN THE WHOLE 'ZEUS IS THE GOD OF WHORES' THING, EITHER! LIGHTNING! _L-I-G-H-T-N-I-N-G!_ *****_**pants***_

_***Subordinates come out***_

"**You must all be punish" I yelled to the sinners, the filth of the Godful world that our lord Jesus Christ rules over for eternal history, ever and ever, amen and amen! **

You know what... I'm not even touching that.

"**You must boy down to our God (the only truth that must be offered in this day and age) **

Yup. All science is complete and utter bullshit. _***snorts***_** ***_**THUNK THUNK THUNK***_

**or witness the wrath of Jesus of Nazareth, who is the one and only true God! Amen. Commit!"**

You are such a good Christian...** *sarcasm***

Ass.

"**We will never bowed down to your Godful kind, for we want to corrupt the youth and bring war upon the world. WE ARE THE CAUSE FOR EVERYTHING, INCLUDING WORLD WAR 1 AND 2, THE WAR IN IRAQ, AND THE VIETNAM WAR. WE WANT TO BRING SUFFERING TO EVERYONE!**

Uh-huh, sure dear. _***waves over PITA* **_Do me a favor, will you? Get as many pain pills as possible, and have them on standby, 'kay?

_***PITA salutes* **_Right away, ma'am.

Thanks, hun! Take the rest of the day off after that! _***smiles and waves***_

**We will send every single God fearing Christian servents of the lord Jesus Christ to the death row! You will all be punished" said Annabeth, Zeus most famous whore! **

Zeus... Is her... Uncle...ARRRRRRRRRG! ZUBB, BRAIN BLEACH! _NOW!_

_***Zubb sighs, then reaches out the door to get the waiting glass of brain bleach***_

Thank you so much... _***drinks glass***_

"**All praise and glory to Jesus Christ, to whom I owe everything" I declared to the Dogful and Christian like world!**

Dogful...? _***sighs* **_That's so stupid, it's offensive.

**Annabeth laughed. "Those ways are old and tired. Our way is much better" she screamed. **

I am so glad my generation isn't made of people like you... _***rubs temples and takes pain pill for headache***_

"**But at least our way works! Amen" I said to the Satanic and filthful whore. So I charged at her, grabbed her hair, and dragged her across the muddy and filthful road, where I got an axe and sliced her head open, and let all kinds of Godful worms eat her alive, letting none of her brain to survive. **

J-Jesus... _***shocked***_

**THE WHORE WAS FINALLY DEAD! AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN!**

_***looks at necessity scale* **_Um... Is it...? ***_BANG_* **Yup, it's broken... ZUBB!

_***Zubb sighs* **_Way ahead of you, ma'am... _***Zubb turns to work on scale***_

Have Jaws help you. Finish it before you leave!

**And we had a holy party where we prayed to God and sang hymns of his greatness and glory. **

Pretty sucky party...

**We did not drink, nor did we have sex, for that will make us look bad. **

Yeah. _That's _what would make you look bad. _***eyeroll***_** ***_**THUNK THUNK THUNK***_

**We were Christians and did not live like those filthy Atheist that mush all die! Amen. **

Riiiiight. Have I mentioned I hate you?

**PS: Priest do not have sex, so the church is not in trouble. It is holy and will be obey by all people! **

Um... That's debatable. Catholic or Protestant? Actually, didn't you bash the Catholic church at one point? So, I'm gonna assume you meant Protestant. In which case, apparently several kids don't exist. Sorry guys! _***snort***_

**_̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡̲̲̲͡͡͡͡ ̲̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̡̡̡̲ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡._**

Umm... The fuck is that?

Ah well. I'm going home! _***throws up hands and gets out of chair***_

MaD-squared, signing out.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey again! _***grins and salutes* **_MaD-squared and co. here, yet again, to kill my sanity!

_***Subordinates wave or nod***_

You know, they may not show it, but all of them, _***gestures to all the subordinates* **__really _enjoy seeing me suffer...

_***Subordinates all give signs of affirmation***_

_***sighs* **_Thanks, guys. Well, let's get started, shall we?

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

**Believer in Christ: Who will burn in hell?**

You, for being an insensitive, headstrong, dickwad? _***smiles expectantly***_

**Jesus Christ: Anyone that curse ye profits such as you.**

_***slams fists on desk* **_I call bullshit!

Oh, and Double-D?

_***Double-D runs in and salutes* **_Yes, ma'am?

Get me... Hm... Get me the scythe!

_***Double-D salutes and smiles* **_You got it, ma'am! _***Double-D runs out***_

*****_**Twiddles thumbs and contemplates what she was going to eat for dinner***_

_***Double-D runs back in* **_Here it is, ma'am! _***Double-D salutes, then runs back out***_

**Believer in Christ: Yes, and this includes lazorboy96, JzeHampen, G.J. Forever and PorschePower911. You will burn in hell for mocking me.**

No, those people deserve cookies. PITA, COCO!

_***PITA and Coco run in and salute* **_Ma'am?

Give 'em cookies!

_***PITA and Coco salute, then run out***_

**Jesus Christ: I will make sure that this comes true. Amen. **

_***rolls eyes and groans* **_Oh, for the love of all things chocolate and holy...

_***SLASH* **_BAD AUTHOR!

**We are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags. =Isaiah 64:6**

**A good new aroused to us today with death of the Satan being Osama Bin Laden.**

Urg... _***headdesk* **_I hate to say I agree with _anything_ this asshole says, but yeah, I'm glad Osama Bin Laden is dead. That being said...

_***SLASH* **_LEARN SOME FUCKING GRAMMER! It's 'Good news has', if you're going to use it in that context!

**His death brought joy to all those that followed our ways. **

And, you know, most other Americans... But who cares about them! _***sarcasm***_

**Mass murderers like him should never have been allowed to be born at all. His mother should have killed him at birth. **

Yup. Sure. Abortion is evil, but killing a newborn at birth? Perfectly fine!

_***SLASH* **_IDIOT!

**And so we prayed that God will destroy all other Muslims for they are evil and must be ridden off, along with all the nonbelievers and sex addicts. **

First off, *_**SLASH* **_STUPID DICK!

Second, where the hell did sex addicts come from? Jaws, the necessity scale?

_***Jaws fidgets nervously* **_Um... Well, it's still... um...

_***narrows eyes* **_Yes?

_***Jaws gulps* **_...Still Broken...?

_***is silent, then turns around slowly* **_Did I not tell you and Zubb to fix it before you left yesterday...?

_***Jaws* **_Y-Yes, ma'am...

_***glares silently for a while, before sighing and rubbing her temples* **_I don't have time for this bullcrap...

You know what? Just get Zubb and fix it... If it's not done by the end of today, I'm docking you guys' pay.

**God and our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative **

_***bursts out laughing* **_That has _got_ to be the _best _misspelling in history!

**will not let anyone like that enter their eternal kingdom, nor will they let them work across the holy earthen ground. **

_***snorts* **_If you're the kind of person that goes to heaven, I'm not sure _I _want to.

**God bless the United States of the Holy North American Continent and Precedent George Bush for leading this fight against evil.**

_***raises eyebrow* **_Where the _hell _were you for the past, I don't know, TWO ELECTIONS!?

_***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH***_

FUCK YOU, DICKWAD! _ORIANT_!

_***Oriant salutes* **_Ma'am?

GO FIND ME A KITTEN! And a coffee would be sweet to.

_***Oriant salutes, then runs out* **_

**And the LORD plagued the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made. =Exodus 32:35**

**And me and my girlfriend Mary, who is named after the Virgin Mary**,

Didn't you point this out in one of the last two chapters...? Oh and...

_***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH* **_WE ARE NOT STUPID! _WE CAN PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER!_

**who is also a virgin, waiting for me to marry her before we will have sex. **

...Jaws, how's the scale coming?

_***Jaws* **_It's done!

Oh, good! What does it say?

_***Jaws* **_Negative two and dropping, ma'am.

Fucking hell...

**We went to our room to read from the bible. Our gave her a private lesson on the third book of John.**

If you were anyone else, I'd assume that was a sexual reference. But because you are _you_, I'll just go with it.

_***Oriant walks in and hands over the kitten and coffee***_

Thanks... I needed these... _***drinks coffee and pets adorable kitten***_

**Although it short,**

*****_**SLASH**_*** **GRAMMER!

**it has many valued lessons such as ignoring false teachers such as Diotrephes who went against the true message of the church. We shall not allow people like these to mislead us ever again.**

I... Got nothing. I really don't.

**I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words. =3 John 10**

**And then went into main hall and Percy Jackson was there. **

Oh hai, Percy! _***waves and smiles* **_When did you get here?

**He stood very tall looking down at us like David and Goliath, when they fought a battle to decide the fate of Holy Israel (If do not support Israel then stop reading thing for you will go to hell anyway).**

Hey! I thought you hated Jews!

_***SLASH* **_HYPOCRITE!

"**Convert to the false Gods of the Greek and to the unknown God foretold in the Holy Bible, in the book of Acts," he yielded.**

He... Slowed down...? _***rereads* **_Oh! You meant 'yelled'! That means...

_***SLASH* **_LEARN TO SPELL, DUMBASS!

"**You have made a deeply mistake **

_***SLASH* **_FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO BACK TO FUCKING GRADE SCHOOL!

**by taking me on heathen. Now you will be published by being sent to the eternals flames of hell where you will be whipped for ever by Satan for being fooled by him in the first place for he is evil and God is the great eternal thing ever.**

Wouldn't Satan reward him for worshipping him?

**The unknown you talk about in the Holy Bible which is in the book of Acts is in fact the good of Israel, the God of the Bible, and the father of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ. **

...Translation, please?

**All the gods of Greek are actually the devil, Lord Satan, in disguise.**

_***rubs temples* **_Okay... Greek gods. Came before. CHRISTIANITY! IS THIS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT!?

**It is you that has been fooled. It is not too late for you to repent and follow the ways of our lord Jesus Christ who died on the cross and was raised three days later. His death paid for the sins of everyone around the world and he wants to pay for your sins as well. We are all sinners. So repent and you will be saved. All you have to do say (speak it out load to be save, you unholy ones. If you do not do so, then to the depth of hell you unsaved souls will go forever!): **

_***crosses arms and scowls* **_I'll do what I want. Hmpf.

**I believe in everyone that is spoken with this holy word, and will follow it so the full command, even ridding the world of those filthy atheists! Amen and amen! This is all you have to say," I told a bald speech.**

...Fluffles...?

_***Fluffles walks in and salutes* **_Yes, ma'am?

Is it possible to tell a "bald" speech?

_***Fluffles* **_Um... I don't think so...

HA! *_**SLASH**_*** **LEARN TO SPEAK!

"**No I will never. I will always fool you by worshiping a false set of gods, Zeus the bastard king, and will secret preying to the lord of the darkness, Satan himself," Percy Jackson said.**

Since fucking when did Percy worship Satan!?

And bastard king? Really? _***blank stare***_

**This gave me no choose but to charge at Percy Jackson kill,**

Huh? _***confused face***_

**but he got away in a cloud of smoke cause by witchery.**

Witchery?!

_***SLASH* **_IT'S WITCHCRAFT! WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE A TODDLER!?

**And it was then that I realised something. There was a traitor and I was my task to find this tractor out.**

Tractor? Where? _***excited face, bounces up and down* **_I WANNA RIDE IT! I WANNA RIDE IT!

**But Jesus said unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss? =Luke 22:48**

**And so I told the Prayer Warriors a story. It was of Judas and him betraying of Jesus Christ, our lord and Saviour. I wanted to find a way to find the traitor but it was no good.**

Maybe it's because you're an idiot.

**So I went to bed very scared. I had to find the traitor. Amen.**

BE AFRAID! _***wiggles fingers* **_OOOOWEEEEOOOOO!

**Believer in Christ: You are all traitors for mocking me and God and his eternal right hand son in the kingdom of heaven.**

If I were God, I'd be giving all those "traitors" good fortune for the next five years. But that's just me.

**Jesus Christ: Yes you are right, they are traitors and they will get a traitor punishment. They will be sent to the lowest parts of hell, where it is the hottest. It will be heat that will kill them. Amen and amen. **

Fun fact: _***pulls out chart of Dante's Inferno's hell* **_The lowest level of hell is actually a frozen lake!

***_SLASH_* **DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH!

And that was chapter three.

So, as I try to find were PITA put those pain pills from last chapter, please enjoy this urgent notice: _***walks out***_

Hey readers! So, if any of you have read any of my other fanfics, you'll see that they... aren't good. They have Mary Sues (There's a fun game, find out how many Sues are in all my stories), countless spelling and grammar errors, and dumb plots.

But, because of this, I know exactly what to look for, and yell at.

So, if you don't like this, congrats. I would love some constructive criticism. I do not appreciate comments that go: 'YOUR STORY SUCKS! GO JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF!'

Thank you.

_***MaD-squared walks back in* **_Well, thanks for reading!

MaD-squared, signing out.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello readers, MaD-squared and co. here! Sorry it took forever, but I had formatting issues… All that good stuff. I'll be attempting to update every Sunday from now on. Anywho… _***smiles and waves* **_We are back with… *_**sighs* **__This._

_***Hide'n'seek snickers**__*****_

Oh, go fuck yourself, Hide'n'seek! This is friggin' _TORTURE! _

_***Hide'n'seek sticks his tongue out**__*****_

I'm _so _docking your pay! Coco, send a message to… whoever takes care of that stuff to dock his pay!

_***Coco salutes, looks smugly at Hide'n'seek, then walks out**__*****_

_***Hide'n'seek glares and fumes silently***_

So, after that… marvelous display of maturity… Let's begin, shall we?

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

**How dare you mock me? **

Well, sir, you're very easy to mock. *_**sits up straight and folds hands**__*****_

**Do you realise that if you do not follow the true path of Christ you will burn in gell! Repent now and you will be saved!**

Where is 'gell'? If you're _not_ going there, I want to go! _***waves over T-bone* **_Hey, get my long-sword, will you?

_***T-bone salutes, then runs out**__*****_

**Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it. =Matthew 7:13-14**

**The passage I have just read is from the gospel of Matthew and tells us that most people will burn in hell, but a few true followers will cherish the treasures of heaven.**

_***Rubs temples* **_Don't destroy the monitor… Don't destroy the monitor…

God, this stupid author's going to kill me…

_***T-bone runs back in**__*** **_Here's your sword, ma'am!

Thanks, T-bone! Just in time!

_***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH**__*** **_

**I am only doing my job in warning those of the flames of hell that awaits them. **

Sure, dear. _Whatever _you say.

_***SLASH* **_IDIOT!

**As for Percy Jackson, is corrupting the minds of young innocent children**

_***raises eyebrow* **_I don't know about you guys, but I read the first book when I was, like… I don't know, eight? Nine?

And am I corrupted at all?

_***subordinates roll their eyes***_

…

Bad example.

**as the satanic works of Harry Potter,**

_***falls out of chair* **_WOAH, _WHAT!?_

_***subordinates run and hide***_

_EXCUSE ME!? _WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT HARRY **FREAKING **POTTER IS NOT FUCKING SATANIC. KINDLY SHUT YOUR TRAP BEFORE I STAPLE IT! _***pants***_

_***subordinates come out***_

**where witches and wizards are allowed to still exist.**

I… wasn't aware that they were ever _banned _in the twenty-first century…

…

_***gasps and spazzes* **_ORIANT! QUICK! GET ME ONE OF THOSE FUN LEVER THINGS!

_***Oriant salutes and runs off**__*****_

_***twiddles thumbs***_

_***Oriant runs back in and gives MaD-squared the lever, then salutes and runs off***_

Seriously!? Does that boy even have vocal cords?! _***scribbles 'BelieverInChrist is a time-traveler' on lever, and pulls it* **_There we go!

**BelieverInChrist is a time-traveler: 1**

_***fistpumps* **_Wanted to do that for ages! I would've made a lever for being an idiotic, homophobic ass, but I think it would've broken in the first paragraph.

**The church made sure things such as this would go away,**

Um… Sure, dear. _***pulls lever***_

**BelieverInChrist is a time-traveler: 2**

**but it seems as if it has returned.**

Not really… It kinda just hid.

**I am only protecting you for your own good.**

Hate to break it to you, bud, but I'm a general in B.A.D.A.S.S. I don't _need _protection, love. _***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH* **_I AM NOT, AND I'M SURE THE OTHER READERS AGREE WITH ME, A _CHILD_!

**The Greek gods are just as bad as the satanic religions of today,**

… For your sake, I hope to God you are not taking this where I think you are…

**where Buddhist priest with their false profits kill innocent people in aeroplane crashes.**

OH FOR SHIT'S SAKE! _***headdesk* **_ZUBB, GET OVER HERE!

_***Zubb runs over and salutes* **_Ma'am?

Take a list!

1) LEARN SOME FREAKING GRAMMER, YOU ASS! Priest should be plural! _***SLASH SLASH SLASH***_

2) Aren't Buddhists the ones who strive for _peace? _I think you're looking for the Taliban. You know what that means… _***SLASH* **__DO YOUR GODDAMN RESEARCH!_

3) It's spelled airplane, motherfucker, but as I'm not sure how Britain spells it, so I'll not ill you too much.

**And so my friend asked me what types of music is the most evil.**

Justin Beiber, perhaps? _***smiles hopefully***_

**And I told them most music was evil. But there were a few musicians for so called protectors of their ways.**

"**Nirvana is the most evil band ever to walk the earth.**

Excuse me, what?

I can't really vouch for this, because I don't know much about this band, but I am pretty damn sure they are not evil.

_***SLASH* **__JACKASS! _

**Not only did they name after a satanic way of thought, **

Or, you know, a concept of heaven. Same difference.

_***rubs temples and mutters to herself* **_I hate this, I hate this, I hate this…

Someone _please _get me some pain pills.

_***PITA runs out to find some more pain pills***_

**but they cause the death of many innocent people, due to the suicide of the coward Jurk Cobain.**

Um… What…?

**Their music is too loud,**

It's called a _volume button_! Upper, right-hand corner of your keyboard. Or typewriter. Either one.

_***pulls lever***_

**BelieverInChrist is a time-traveler: 3**

**and they have evil Lyric such as 'God is gay'** **(God and Jesus Christ, my lord and savoury, please forgive me for what I have just said. Please don't send me to hell). **

Suck-up.

_***subordinants snicker* **_

See? Even my subordinents think you're sad.

**This is offensive to God and his eternal Son. Kurt Cobain only realised that he was being controlled by Satan at the last moment,**

Somehow, I doubt this.

**so he killed himself. **

Or was killed by his wife. Conspiracy theories for the win! _***fistpumps***_

**But because that was a sin,**

On behalf of all suicidal people in the world, I say a hearty 'fuck you'. _***beams***_

**and cause millions of children to do the same thing,**

I highly doubt that.

**he is burning for eternality in hell. Do not one of the you listen to such evilness," I told them.**

"**I will never listen to them ever again," said Ethan Nakamura, once a follower of Satan, now a reformer, repenting his sins, and now he will be going heaven. **

And on behalf of all religious people, I say a hearty 'I hope you burn in hell'.

**This is what happens when you repent. You will go to heaven. Why would anyone reject something like this?**

Mainly because _you _are the one telling them. _***rests head on hand***_

"**Yes, and now another musicians that are bad is Green Day.**

_***slams hands down and stands up* **_DON'T YOU _DARE _EVEN _THINK _ABOUT IT, YOU STUPID LITTLE- _***is shot in the neck with an anti-fangirl dart***_

_***Double-D waves hands apologetically in front of himself* **_Sorry, everyone! She was fangirling, and we've been instructed by MaD-squared's higher ups to shut her down when she gets like that… She'll be fine in a few minutes!

Ugh… My head's killing me…

**They rejected Precedent George Bush**

Just like half the country. _***waves over PITA* **_Pain pills would be absolutely lovely right now.

**and support the evil Obama, the antichrist.**

_***raises eyebrow skeptically* **_I am fairly certain that he is _not _the incarnation of pure evil's son, dearest.

**And they rejected the holy war in the middle,**

I wasn't aware that _any _wars were considered holy by the church. Except maybe the crusades… You know what that means! _***pulls lever***_

**BelieverInChrist is a time-traveler: 4**

**which resulted in the death of Osama Bin Laden,**

Wait… Didn't _Obama _succeed in killing… _***sighs* **_You know what? Screw it. If I stay and nitpick this thing, I'll be here all day.

**one of the Satan's main servents, now binging in hell. And the reject Christ and called America an idiot.**

FOR GOD'S SAKE! IT WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW AMERICA IS AN IDIOT FOR- _***is shot with anti-fangirl dart* **_

_***Oriant steps up to the moniter**__*** **_I apologize.

_***shoots up* **_Oh my God, he _CAN _talk!

**Surely these beasts deserves to go to the depths of hel," I told them. They were all amazed at my wisdom.**

_***Snorts**__*** **_Listen to this douche…

**Mary looked at me admirable.**

Mary, I've told you once, now I'll say it again. RUN!

**Still I was uncomfortable, for their was a traitor out there, waiting to kill me, and killing is bad,**

So what was up with killing all of the "Satanists"? _***raises eyebrow skeptically***_

**and is a sin against lord Jesus Christ. Killing a Christian is a sin.**

Oh. Right then.

**Now therefore, behold, the LORD hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all the false prophets, and the LORD hath spoken evil concerning thee. =1 Kings 22:23**

**And Thalia Grace came and repented in the main hall crying that she would not want to follow the ways of Satan. However, I did saw beyond her disgusting lies and stabbed her in her heart.**

Oh… Oh my God, you fucking psychopath! _***gapes* **_Dude, if this is how you deal with confessions, I don't think anybody who isn't a mindless zombie would want to follow you!

_***SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH* **_BAD AUTHOR! _BAD!_

**And she died. If she was telling the truth she would die a Christians death, if she was lying, she would be burning the flames of the eternal hell.**

And I do believe we all know where the shit you're going…

**And then we practice the ways of sword, for we knew the time was soon coming where the final battle between us and the evil followers of Satan, Percy Jackson as their leader, would come and kill us all, and we had to all be prepared incase this would happen, as if it did happen, we would all be dead and no one would be there to battle the eternal God and his only holey begotten son, lord and savior, Jesus Chris of Narrative, **

Coco…?

_***Coco runs over and salutes* **_Yes, ma'am?

Please give all people named Chris who happen to be narrators apology cookies.

_***Coco* **_How am I supposed to find them…?

Hell if I know! We're the military! We can to anything we wish~!

_***Coco sighs* **_Okay…

**and all hope would be lost for all eternal, unless the traitor got to us first, then in which we would still be dead and the message of Jesus Christ, protector of all, would not be teach to all people of this holy earth, but instead full trapped to the ways of the evil lord Stan, **

Satan's been on holiday for a while now… Maybe he just ditched and left Stan as the official Devil…?

**for he will kill everyone on this earth, and killing is morally wrong,**

Pfft… _***snickers***_

**unless it is defending the faith.**

Oh. Well shit. That _totally makes it alright to kill. __***sarcasm***_

**Meanwhile, in the headquarters of Percy Jackson….**

He has a headquarters now? Fluffles, look into this.

_***Fluffles salutes and runs out***_

"**We must invade tonight in the glory of Zues, the false god of Satran.**

Pretty sure Satan wasn't believed in then. Some still don't. *_**SLASH**__*** **_RESEARCH! _DO IT!_

**We must get rid of all the prayer warriors and turn the temple for their God, and lord and saviour Jedi Christ to a false god temple," he said.**

Obi Wan Massiah?

"**Yes," said his slaves Bianca di Angelo, Nico di Angelo, Nico di Angelo, Bianca di Angelo and Grover Underwood.**

Didn't… he die? _***rereads* **_Yeah, he did. WHAT THE HELL!? _***SLASH* **__CONSISTENCY! USE IT!_

"**We will do the biddings of Satan disguised as Satan."**

Brilliant plan there, love.

**To be continued…..**

Unfortunately.

**See, people can be saved.**

_***snort* **_Not by you.

**All they have to do is admit to being a sinner, repent and become a true Christ, and not a false one, like the Church of England,**

OPINIAN!

**who will burn in hell for their sins. Devoicing is a sin,**

America is fucked, then.

**and will be punished by being thrown into the flames of hell. Aman.**

Now that that is done, I'm gonna chill in Hawaii for my very nearly gone mental health.

MaD-squared, signing out.


End file.
